Before we set out on our journey through the familiar Texas landscape that we knew from contemporary country, rock and folk music, fellow traveler Patsy and I reviewed our options.  I was armed with a map provided by the tourism department.  I had taken a yellow highlighter and marked places I wanted to see in so many spots that the map was plumb colorful.  Patsy possessed a notebook full of Internet printouts of attractions she wanted to visit.

Our general direction of travel was to be south into the Hill Country, which was where most of my yellow marks were.  A must-see for Patsy was Hunt, Texas , home of a two-thirds scale replica of Stonehenge .  The places I absolutely had to go were the stalwart German town of Fredericksburg and nearby Luchenbach.  We also bandied around San Antonio , Austin , New Braunfels and the infamous “shack outside LaGrange” from the ZZ Top song along with several places mentioned in songs by my indie-artist favorite, Robert Earl Keen. 

With time at a premium, we settled on Stonehenge , Fredericksburg and Luchenbach, though we absolutely pined for LaGrange.   We drove across miles and miles of open range, where cattle and sheep could (and did) ramble into the highway, and we stopped giggling to take pictures of each other in front of signs that warned of “Loose Livestock.” 

Unlike the laughable fake Stonehenge that also featured giant Easter Island statues, Fredericksburg was a real German town, built of local stone hewn into blocks.  We shopped up and down the main street and settled on a German restaurant for our supper.

And we went on a spiritual journey to find the real Luchenbach.

I had heard it wasn’t much of a town, and it was true.  There is a dance hall, an outdoor stage and the post office, which also houses the beer hall and souvenir shop, plus a parking lot.

We arrived after a tour bus full of German tourists and alongside waves of bikers.  Most, I imagine, sample a brew and have their picture made in the bar under the sign that says “ Luchenbach , Texas ” and then go on to other Hill Country attractions. 

Nevertheless, the first thing I heard anyone say was, “Hey, did you know a baby bottle nipple will make a good silencer for a .22 magnum?” and, well, I was hooked. 

We prowled the souvenir shop.  We bought postcards, wrote them and mailed them.  We listened to bartenders who strummed guitars and watched a really strung-out skinny guy eat three cheeseburgers while sitting cross-legged on top of a picnic table.  We bought tee shirts and I tried on a cowboy hat with beer bottle caps encircling its brim.  We watched the evening show’s headliner go off across the riverbed to tune his guitar in peace. 

Patsy chatted with the crowd around her, most of whom had been Luchenbach regulars since the days of Waylon and Willie and the boys.  I sought out the leather-clad biker to learn more about the baby-bottle-nipple-silencer.  Chickens pecked around up under the live oaks and flew up to roost over the crowd, which parted like the Red Sea to avoid the possibility of being bombed—at least by chickens. 

As three country singers politely took turns picking their own tunes, the moon rose over the hill behind the outdoor stage, fat and orange.  I walked a swinging bridge over the dry riverbed and sat under the live oaks on the hillside, treated to the serenade of a barred owl. 

I called my mother and held up my cell phone to let her hear the music, then took a picture of this magic “town” and pasted it as my cell phone’s wallpaper. 

It was simply sublime.

Those who know me and most who think they know me probably take me as a very serious and sometimes uptight individual.  I rush through my days and am also no-nonsense in my off time.  But that night I was transformed into someone else—someone relaxed and happy…and Patsy has the pictures to prove it. 

Why has a little nothing of a town called Luchenbach , Texas endured for so long?

Waylon, Willie and the boys had it right, of course.

Part 1 - The Amazing Race...

Part 2 - Patsy Arrives to Save The Day