You often hear people mention what women will do for beauty.  We get painful bikini waxes; use smelly hair dyes; forgo foods we wish to eat in order to stay thin; take aerobics classes early in the morning while the rest of the world sleep; and partake in countless other sacrifices that make our husbands, boyfriends, brothers, and fathers shake their heads with bewilderment.  What you don’t normally hear someone say is: “What a woman won't do for hunting.”

I am going to take a somewhat sexist stand here and say that men are well-constructed to be hunters.  They have amazing laser-like focus that enables them to hunt without distraction.  They have the body type that seems to excel for a long drag out of the woods.  And for the most part, they can wake up while it is still dark for a day of hunting, drink some gross black coffee, wolf down food without regard to what they are actually consuming (merely looking at it as calories needed for the day), put on hunting clothes that are so dirty they would stand up straight on their own, and head out for a day of hunting.

Women on the other hand, are well-constructed to be gatherers.  We can take in the big picture.  We think of all the details and double check 5 extra times to make sure the guns and hunter orange were packed along with the hunting license.  So when we excel at hunting, it is an even greater surprise to many that we are out there just given our genetics. 

With these thoughts in mind, I awoke at 4something in the morning with my husband and a friend to elk hunt.  After inhaling those calories needed for the day, we began an adventure that most people I know wouldn’t do on a bright, warm, summer day.  We jumped on dual sport dirt bikes in the dark (I was riding on back, huge testament to my trust and love for my husband) and on the icy narrow trail that led from our elk camp deep into the woods, we began a treacherous ride.  Given that Randy was in front of me on the bike and that there were numerous tree limbs and such just waiting to slap me across the face should I try to peak around his shoulder, I had to stay directly behind his back for the ride and learn what was coming verbally.  This might be an appropriate time to mention that Randy had on a backpack and a rifle over his shoulder so my arms were reaching way in front of me to hold on.  And I had on a backpack and a rifle as well so any low hanging tree could easily rip my shoulder off.

The conversation went something like this: 

Randy: “Be careful, large rocks on the right, tuck your knee in.”
Me:  “Ok.”
Randy: “Steep incline coming up, lean forward.”
Me: “Uh huh.”
Randy: “You warm enough back there?  I can’t feel my fingers or my face anymore.”
Me: feeling oh so confident since his fingers pull in the brake: “Yep.”
Randy: “Big ice puddle coming up, hopefully we don’t sink in.”
Me: “Uh huh.”
Randy: “Tight gate to ride around, jump off and walk around it.”
Me: “Be glad to.”
Randy: “Only 4 more miles to go.”
Me: “Sounds good.”
Randy: “Gosh it is getting foggy up here.”
Me: “Uh oh.”
Randy: “I can’t see a thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

We did survive the ride in to where we ditched the bikes so we could begin our hike.  After years of elk hunting and never seeing an elk during the season, I’ve begun to feel skeptical about the success of an elk hunt.  I had a lot of time to think back on the morning ride while walking through the woods.  And these were my conclusions.

Hunting is a great test for life and its challenges. 

1.      If you can hunt with a man and still love seeing his face after day 3 in the woods, that is a relationship worth keeping. 

2.      If you want to work on trust in a relationship, you don’t need a therapist.  A simple dirt bike ride in the dark on an icy trail should do the trick!

3.      If you want time to think and ponder life, try elk hunting.  You may not see any elk, but you should have countless hours by yourself in the woods.

And finally, if you want an excuse to pamper yourself, get the new highlights in your hair that cost a fortune, or justify never getting a bikini wax ever again, spend a few weekends elk hunting with the boys.  Then you can come home, awe your girlfriends with your stories, and feel completely justified that since you suffered for hunting, now you can justify your suffering for beauty to undo the effects of so many hours in the woods.  I’m thinking perhaps a massage at the spa and a pedicure.  What will your pampering treat be?